DANCE TO YOUR OWN RHYTHM

It’s good for you. All the moves are yours Even if people are pointing and laughing Turn up the music Sway your hips Whip your head Spin and whirl Fall and get up again Dance dance dance!

What’s this?

After much head scratching ( a really lot !) , I have decided to call my blog *drum rrollll* : LEMONSTEIN!!!!.  Thank you , I know it’s random and slightly kooky and strange but that’s ME . I’m all these things .

So what’s Lemonstein about? It’s about me finding myself. A little self-involved I know but hey I have nothing else going on. I think I want to be a writer. I want to. I have so many stories I want to tell , what I need to do is find my “voice”.
It’s there. I know it is. I can feel it whispering, it wants to shout. Oh God! I sound terrible! I hope my voice isn’t this annoying!
I saw this comic on tumblr where this teacher always gets asked by his students that eternal question: what am I going to do after college? He then asks them : what would you do if money wasn’t an issue? Their eyes light up and their imaginations go wild! I want to paint! I want to see the world and so on and on. This question really resonated with me.
So what would I do if money wasn’t an issue? WRITE!!! And since I have absolutely no money at all I’m already there! Hahahahaaa!:D Sorry.
AnnnyywhOo!
So I guess Lemostein is about me finding the way. I hope it’s great. Just saying it’s really hard and well nothing worth having or being is ever easy. Blah blah blah!!
By the way if you’ve read my previous posts (if anyone is reading this!) you’ll be wondering about the pleasure and frivolity and stuff. I don’t know either. I was going to but I’m having an existential crisis here and questioning everything! =D
Gosh I hope this blog stops rambling and makes sense soon!

Later

AHHHHHH!!!!

WHY IS THIS SO HARD?

I WANT to write dammit! Every time  I get an idea to write something it just seems to run away from me !

I think that everyone knows one true thing about themselves or at least believes it. My true thing is that I can write . I can . I can be articulate and sound believable….on paper .The trouble is my writing personality and my personality personality are two very different people . The writer me is serious and takes herself very seriously -she’s a bit of a know-it-all ,really, whereas the me me is so laid back and easy going everybody is always surprised when they read something I’ve written. I don’t sound like me . They are always pleasantly(?) surprised .They stare and give me those you-have-a-brain looks.WOW!!  Should i be offended? Do i care ? Yes and no . Yes because I want to be taken seriously as a writer and no because know myself and sometimes feel people should be able to see through the bullshit and see me .Then counter productively the wall comes up and I go back to my jester pose .  I CAN’T bear the bright light of their admiration .Retreat! Retreat! I scream to myself and then in a blink of an eye she’s gone! Whew! Relief all round! I guess what I’m trying to convey is that I’m trying to get to know this writer in me . I’m trying to find my voice  . I want my ideas to turn into great well written stories.

A teacher once said to me : you will never amount to anything . I was 12 . That struck me so hard . I bawled for hours, even now at 30 it still takes my breathe away . How does a teacher even come to that conclusion?  She was supposed to be  moulding me not giving a fucking complex!! She was a truly awful human being and even worse teacher obviously . Do I believe this about myself? I dunno.  I think I don’t .   I have this vision of a life filled with adventure , friends ,rides in cars with boys, sunny filled days of wanton fun ,copious drinking  and be able t o play a mean game of poker.  Love and marriage (maybe!) Babies!  It’s good life, right? I want this life . Please can I have this life? Existentialist crisis, anyone? I’m asking for a friend.

What does this have to do with pleasure you ask . Well introspection can be fun!  Right 😀 ?

It will be filled with fun and frivolity soon. I promise .This blog , I mean.

Later

so what gives you pleasure?

For me it’s books, food , movies and magazines .All life’s pleasures ,really. So on this blog i will take you to great places ,we’ll go on great adventures, eat ,laugh and cry! I promise i have great taste! I won’t force you to like it but it IS in your interest to like it 😉 !

I’ll start with my greatest favouri-test pleasure: BOOKS!!!

I cannot even begin to talk about my love for reading! Well actually I can,so here we go! My love affair began when I was eleven . I was a shy,bullied child . My step-dad (also known as the bestest man who ever lived) took me to the library and signed me up . I was immediately  and insanely in love . I could go on a thousand adventures with Shiharazad , go through the wardrobe to narnia  and live in that wonderfully inane world of Dr. Sues!

Later I went on dates with those lovely Pine Valley twins and got entangled in their love lives (good times) . Stephen King, John Irving , Gabriel Garcia Marquez on and on and on i can go! Okay ,uhm , i’m starting to feel self conscious since this is my first post and all . so I’ll just give you five of my greatest  so you can stop looking at me!

1-One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

2) The World According to Garp – John Irving

3)Aunt Julia and The Scriptwriter – Mario Vargos Llosa

4)The Blind Assassin- Magaret Atwood

5) Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks

Hmmm maybe I should have said favourite authors?  Anyway I love these books .Read them   , love them like i do .

xoxo ( i’ll find a better way to say ‘later’)